Someone said something to me the other day...my memory fails me and I can't remember who it was or in what context. The line was "happiness is a choice." How true! We are all dealt circumstances in our lives that can put a negative spin on our optimism. It's so easy to consider these circumstances misfortune. The old cliche does ring true, though, that everything happens for a reason. My question to myself (and to you, should this apply) is always "what are you going to do about it?"
A good friend of mine, former housemate, and someone very much more wise than me, was listening to me complain once about how much I hated divorce and its effect on my life. I practically told her how I believed that my parents' divorce was responsible for all the negative circumstances I had been dealt and that I didn't think I'd ever be over it. I carried around a lot of pain and baggage for a long time regarding this issue and every chance I got, I let myself wallow in self-pity and feeling sorry for myself. I would cry about it, a lot. I gave it to God over and over again, but not really, if that makes sense.
As we sat and talked, my friend finally interrupted me in the middle of my tears and mid-sentence of a story I had told many times, and she said, "what are you going to do about it?" Immediately I was hurt and mad that she would stop me and not want to hear the rest of what I had to say. But once I got over the initial frustration, I realized she was right. How long would I keep telling the same sad story to anyone who would listen, only to make myself feel more justified in my long-lasting grief? How long would I feel like my situation was the worst and that nothing could comfort me in my pain?
It didn't happen that day or even that year, but recently, some things have happened that caused the emotions associated with the divorce to resurface. I don't live at home, and I haven't for over 3 years now, so it's so easy to stick to the "out of sight, out of mind" routine. However, these recent happenings proved something to me that I wouldn't have thought was true. God has healed me of so much of my pain that I was able to stare the situation in the face and handle it with prayer and confidence. I am not saying that new pain was not caused, but only that I, for the first time in my life, truly came to believe that God can heal my pain. I have never experienced that for myself, though I've heard about it from people over the years. It's kind of like God's grace; it is such an overwhelming concept, but you don't truly understand it until it is made perfect in your own weaknesses.
You might be thinking that I didn't really do anything about my feelings except run and hide from them. And that I haven't answered the "what are you going to do about it" question for myself. After all, I did move 600 miles away from my problems. However, I know that I have faced them because I know that God has taken so much pain from me. There is new pain, but I am more strong and confident that I can handle it with my God's peace and comfort that I know it won't keep as much of a hold on me as my former pain. Equally important is my choice to be happy...and I even like the word joy better than happiness. Joy doesn't mean that life is a bed of roses, but that you find strength and comfort in Jesus and that brings you an overwhelming sense of completeness.
My New Year's Resolution is to strive even more this year to choose happiness and joy. Aaron and I don't even have the word divorce in our vocabulary, it's not an option! December 21st of this past year was my Grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, and my grandmother said that marriage is not ever easy, but there is a desire there to fulfill a commitment and to be happy in it. Choose to be happy.
If you're thinking that your circumstances are worse than anyone else, remember that your cross is never harder than you can bare. My question to you is "what are you going to do about it?" Will you let it become who you are, or will you choose joy and happiness knowing that God can and will heal your wounds and your pain?
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your care upon Him because He cares for you.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 1That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
